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This is a one-on-one private phone session with an emphasis on observation, mindset, philosophy, and mentoring. With The Zen Panda we help anyone struggling with anything, facing any challenge, going through an internal challenge, or anyone that is seeking enlightenment towards mindset. Through our one-on-one sessions we emphasize on observation of self, conversation therapy, philosophical imagery, and life mentoring. The goal is to become more connected to self, while building skills in awareness, lovingkindness, learning about your-true-self, your own mindset and its importance in how this is affecting your day-to-day life. We want to focus on how to be open to a shift in your mindset that can harbor growth, love, peace, opportunities, communication, self-care, and so much more in your life. Each Session is 1 hour and 11 minutes in duration and we have Phone, Chat, or eMail options for every person's convenience level. We hope to speak soon here at The Zen Panda, sending lovingkindness to you. Namaste'

Welcome to Mindfulness Based Companionship Mentoring Whether you have just begun a mindfulness practice, are thinking of starting one, or are looking for encouragement throughout your mindfulness journey, we are here to support you. We offer: Companionship Guidance Encouragement Exercises curated to your individual personality Compassionate and empathy-led support Active listening Techniques for Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Techniques for Mindfulness-Based Art Therapy Mindfulness practice, a powerful tool rooted in ancient traditions, has gained significant recognition in modern times for its remarkable impact on mental and emotional well-being. Through the cultivation of present-moment awareness and non-judgmental acceptance, individuals engage in a process that not only reduces stress but also fosters positive changes in the brain. Research has shown that regular mindfulness practice can lead to structural changes in the brain, particularly in areas associated with emotional regulation, memory, and empathy. By incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine, you embark on a transformative journey towards self-discovery and personal growth. It is a journey that acknowledges your intrinsic value and worth, reminding you that self-care is not selfish but essential for a fulfilling life. As you navigate the ups and downs of life, we are here to offer our unwavering support and guidance, serving as companions on your path to greater well-being. Remember, you are important, you are worthy, and you are deserving of a life filled with peace and contentment. We eagerly anticipate the opportunity to connect with you, to share insights, and to explore the boundless possibilities that mindfulness can bring to your life.

Services Offered: Self-Care Guidance Companionship Mentoring Self-Care comes in many forms and having someone to talk to can be a form of self-care. We offer: Encouragement Mindfulness-based self-care activities Compassionate and empathetic interactions Listening Many individuals find themselves in a cycle of prioritizing the needs of others over their own, often due to misconceptions that self-care is selfish or simply because they believe they do not have the time for it. It is crucial to shift this mindset and embrace the idea that self-care is not only beneficial but essential for overall well-being. By nurturing self-compassion and kindness towards oneself, individuals can cultivate a healthier relationship with their mental, emotional, and physical health. Consider this: if you neglect your own well-being, who will step in to ensure that you are taken care of? How can you effectively support and care for others if you are running on empty yourself? These questions underscore the importance of prioritizing self-care as a means of building resilience and maintaining a sustainable lifestyle. Our mission is to empower individuals to create personalized self-care plans that seamlessly integrate into their daily lives. Drawing from a wealth of personal and professional experience, we are committed to guiding you on your journey towards self-discovery and self-nurturing. Whether you are looking to initiate a self-care routine, continue an existing practice, or elevate your self-care strategies, we are here to support you every step of the way. Reach out to us today to embark on this transformative self-care journey. Remember, you are inherently worthy, your well-being matters, and you deserve to prioritize yourself. Let us work together to unlock your full potential and cultivate a lifestyle rooted in self-love and holistic wellness. We eagerly anticipate the opportunity to connect with you and assist you in embracing a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Blossoming Through Grief: Exploring Dr. Lois Tonkin's "Growing Around Grief" Model Through Art & Self-Care with Free Grief Art Activity Worksheet by: Artist AKay @AKay One Love Design 10/20/2024 Grief is a tidal wave that engulfs, crashes, and retreats, leaving us to navigate its tumultuous waters. Dr. Lois Tonkin's 'Growing Around Grief' model beautifully captures this ebb and flow of emotions, illustrating the intricate dance between loss orientation and restoration orientation. As an artist who has explored this model through my own lens, I've found solace in visualizing grief as intertwined waves and blooming flowers, showcasing the complex dance of emotions that accompany the journey of healing. See below for my personal experience and artistic interpretation. Growing Around Grief: Dual Process Model This helpful metaphor for grief was developed by Dr. Lois Tonkin. The idea is that we don’t ‘get over’ grief – it doesn’t ‘go away’. Instead as times goes on, you learn to grow around your grief. Dr. Lois Tonkin's Model is "The Dual Process Model" which identifies two main processes that individuals go through when experiencing grief: 1. Loss-oriented processes: This involves dealing directly with the reality of the loss, such as facing the emotional pain, sadness, and emptiness associated with the absence of the person you've lost. This process includes activities like reminiscing about the person who has died, acknowledging the reality of the loss, and expressing emotions related to the loss. 2. Restoration-oriented processes: This involves adapting to the changes that occur as a result of the loss, such as adjusting to new roles and responsibilities, establishing new routines, and finding ways to continue forward. This process focuses on building a new sense of identity and purpose in the absence of the person you've lost. According to Dr. Tonkin, individuals move back and forth between these two processes throughout their grief journey, and the ability to balance both is essential for healthy grieving. Additionally, the model emphasizes the importance of self-care, seeking support from others, and finding meaning and purpose amidst the pain of loss. The Ebb and Flow of Grief At the heart of Dr. Tonkin's model lies the concept of moving between the loss-oriented process and the restoration-oriented process. Just like the ocean waves that ebb and flow, grief too flows through our lives in unpredictable patterns. I depicted this in my own artwork (which can be found at the bottom of this post), capturing the rhythm of grief through swirling waves that symbolize the ever-changing nature of our emotional landscape. For anyone traversing the rocky terrain of loss, it's crucial to acknowledge these waves, to ride them out with compassion and self-care. Embracing Restoration Through Blooming Flowers While grief may be synonymous with darkness, there is also light to be found among the shadows. Around the outermost edges of the above artwork, there are vibrant flowers that blend both the hues of grief and the promise of renewal. These blossoms symbolize the restoration-oriented process, highlighting the beauty that can emerge from pain and suffering. Just as flowers bloom after a long winter, our hearts too can find healing and rejuvenation after the darkest of losses. Mindfulness Based Art Therapy (MBAT) for Self-Care and Grief Healing Art has a unique way of unraveling the knots within us, of giving voice to the unspoken grief that resides in our souls. Through the act of creation, we can externalize our internal struggles, giving clarity to the chaos within. Mindfulness Based Art Therapy is a powerful tool for self-care, offering a safe space to explore our emotions and ease our pain in a supportive environment. Just to note that Mindfulness and the Arts is not only the art of creation like drawing or painting, but also the art of music, dance, writing, journaling, connection, listening, and more. The key is find an activity that we enjoy and do it with intention, grounded in the present moment, and allow our feelings to come, allow ourselves to feel them, and allow them to pass without judgment. I have included a free step by step Mindfulness Based Art Therapy exercise/activity below if you would like to use art to express Dr. Tonkin's Model of Growing Around Grief. Please make sure to do so in a safe and supportive environment as the exercise may bring up unexpected difficult feelings and emotions, we want to make sure you are in a safe place to express these emotions if/when needed. Seek Support, Find Purpose: Navigating the Grief Landscape Dr. Tonkin's model underscores the importance of seeking support from others and finding meaning amidst our grief. In the depths of loss, it can be easy to feel isolated and adrift. By reaching out to loved ones, support groups, mentors, or therapists, we open ourselves up to the healing power of human connection. Additionally, finding purpose and meaning in our pain can be a transformative experience, guiding us towards inner-peace and growth. Embracing Mindfulness and Inner Peace Mindfulness and meditation are invaluable tools in the journey of grief, allowing us to cultivate inner peace, even when it feels impossible. By grounding ourselves in the present moment, we can soften the sharp edges of our sorrow and foster a sense of equanimity. Through mindfulness practices, we learn to embrace our emotions with compassion and kindness, paving the way for healing and self-discovery. One meditative practice that can be helpful is music meditation. If you enjoy music I would encourage you to find something that uplifts your heart and spirit and sit quietly without interruption and meditate with the music, you can also try using soothing sounds like rain or waterfalls, or listening to singing bowls being played. Grief, although each persons journey with grief will look different, it is not a linear path but a labyrinth of emotions, a rollercoaster of highs and lows. By embracing Dr. Tonkin's 'Growing Around Grief' model and infusing it with the healing power of art, self-care, and mindfulness, we can navigate the complexities of loss with openness and resilience. Remember, like the waves and flowers in the artwork, there is beauty to be found in every stage of the grieving process – a beauty that blooms even in the darkest of nights. Grief and loss is one of the hardest things for us to go through, let's not hide our grief, but nurture ourselves instead, cherish our memories, allow ourselves to feel, to be heard, to grow, and blossom through the pain, for it is in embracing our broken hearts that we may find true strength and healing. Free Grief Art Activity Downloadable: See below for my personal experience and artistic interpretation. Here at AKay One Love Design we offer unique Mindfulness Based Companionship Mentoring. If you or a loved one is struggling please reach out, no one should have to go through this alone. My personal experience with this Activity: As an Artist who personally has endured significant losses and struggles with a great deal of grief, when I learned of Dr. Lois Tonkin's theory I was curious. It aligns with how I have felt for some time, that I am forever changed by the losses I have suffered, grief isn't something that there is an "end" too. But, with time, counseling, my own mindfulness journey, the pain of grief is something I have learned to ebb and flow with. My interpretation of Dr. Tonkin's model is a little different than other's however isn't all art open to interpretation. My interpretation and sketch is below of the activity I created based on this theory/model. During this activity at one point I became so upset the tears welling up and falling from my eyes made my vision blurry, yet I continued. I took several breaks to re-center myself on the breath, and mid way through put on some music which seemed to help. I didn't walk away from the activity, though at some points I wanted too. I was expecting to be emotional, but the feelings that came up and I released were a lot. Emotions I have been holding in trying to forge forward, but once I got to the flowers in the drawing I felt this calm come over me. See, my center of grief is still overpowering in my life, and it shows this interpretation, yet the blossoming flowers is me, and the calm that came when I started to draw those flowers, and tears started to fall again, felt like a breath of life saying "You are okay", "You are here", and "You are allowed to grow". It is hard for me to share this because of how personal and deep-rooted my grief and pain is. But by sharing I hope to help another person. One Love References: Grief, Loss, And Bereavement Self-Help | Psychology Tools

As the leaves change their colors and the air turns crisp, we find ourselves transitioning into the beautiful season of fall. But with October comes more than just a change in the weather; it often brings a shift in our moods. It's not uncommon to feel a bit low as the days grow shorter and the temperatures drop. However, I've found a fantastic way to combat those autumn blues: a self-care routine centered around mindfulness-based art therapy. Self-Care is a Top Priority In times of seasonal transitions, prioritizing self-care is essential. Taking care of yourself can significantly impact your mental well-being. One of the self-care routines that I have found incredibly beneficial is engaging in mindfulness-based art therapy. Mindfulness Based Art Therapy Can Help Mindfulness and the arts encompass a wide range of activities that promote relaxation and creativity. One such activity that stands out is coloring. The simple act of coloring can be meditative, allowing you to focus on the present moment and let go of any worries or stress. To encourage self-care through art during this fall season, I'm excited to share that we are offering completely free PDF fall and Halloween coloring pages. These pages are designed to help you unwind, relax, and tap into your creative side. We believe that everyone deserves to feel well, especially during the changing seasons, and we hope that these coloring pages can be a small but impactful way to support your well-being. My Free Self-Care Art Therapy Routine Here's a brief self-care routine you can try at home using our free coloring pages: Set the Mood : Find a cozy spot in your home with good lighting. Light a scented candle or play some soothing music to create a relaxing ambiance. Choose a Coloring Page : Browse through our collection of fall and Halloween-themed coloring pages and select one that resonates with you. Mindful Coloring : As you start coloring, focus on the strokes of your pencil or marker. Pay attention to the colors you choose and how they blend together. Let your mind wander freely. Take Your Time : There's no rush when it comes to coloring. Take your time, enjoy the process, and allow yourself to fully immerse in the art. Reflect and Relax : Once you've finished coloring, take a moment to reflect on your creation. Notice how you feel and allow yourself to bask in a sense of accomplishment and relaxation. Embracing the fall season doesn't have to mean throwing yourself into the autumn blues. By incorporating mindfulness-based art therapy into your self-care routine, you can navigate this seasonal transition with a renewed sense of calm and creativity. So, grab your coloring supplies and let the therapeutic power of art guide you through the beauty of fall! Let's color the season with positivity and self-care!

Statistics: Substance use and abuse continues to be a global concern. Based on a news release from the World Health Organization (WHO); "Over 3 million annual deaths due to alcohol and drug use and that an estimated 400 million people lived with alcohol use disorders. Of this, 209 million people lived with alcohol dependence globally" based on their report. They stated quote "substance use severely harms individual health, increasing the risk of chronic diseases, mental health conditions, and tragically resulting in millions of preventable deaths every year. It places a heavy burden on families and communities, increasing exposure to accidents, injuries, and violence," said Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, WHO Director-General "To build a healthier more equitable society, we must urgently commit to bold actions that reduce the negative health and social consequences of alcohol consumption and make treatment for substance use disorders accessible and affordable."" However there is hope, another study states "Recovery Research Institute revealed that roughly 22.3 million Americans (more than 9% of adults) are in recovery from some form of substance use disorder (SUD)" This is a topic that I am passionate about and have been for 18+ years, as I am a survivor of substance use and abuse, considered to be in remission from Severe Substance Use Disorder and Opiate Dependency, in long term Recovery, and tragically lost my beautiful husband because of the disease of addiction and inadequate care and unaffordable access to treatment. In 2018 I participated in a round table discussion with the Lt. Governor of Illinois, this experience showed me that there are so many compassionate members of our communities from all walks of life and that truly want things to change want differences to be made. However many just don't know where to start, and unfortunately even 6 years later the same issues are being discussed, better access to treatment options, affordable options, more adequate care from hospitals and doctors. Luckily it is still a talk that is ongoing. My Journey in Recovery Celebrating 4 Years on July 31st, 2024: I used to use the phrase I don't have to like you but I will love you. There are times when I may not agree with someone else or "like them" per se but I love them... What does that mean? For me it means every living being deserves and is worthy of love (lovingkindness), from me, and honestly from everyone. So I may not like them, but I will love them. What does that have to do with recovery? Well... after looking really honestly at my journey in Recovery I realized I recently have been using this as an affirmation for myself. I may not like xyz about myself at the moment but I Love Myself. I may not like the health issues I have going on, or the weight I've gained, or that my teeth have moved because of some weird calcium deficiency and swelling, but these are all superficial things. I may not like all my circumstances or my living situation; but I love my mind, my heart, my soul, my compassion. I have been in places physically, environmentally, emotionally, and spiritually much worse, I know things can and will change, with effort, but no matter what changes on the outside, what really matters is what we carry with us on the inside. I can love myself through this. So even though I may not like some of the superficial I Love Myself. I say all that to say it takes work but if you can take yourself out of the outside things and focus inward on your heart you can work towards a place of self-love, self-care, healing, and growth! This has been a recurrent theme in my Recovery. We have a choice if our insides reflect our outsides... Meaning our mind, heart, and soul are ours to choose how we feel. Outside negative influences, environments, circumstances that are out of our control, we do not have to allow our insides to match the negative outsides. We can be the light in the dark. We can choose love over hate, we can choose peace over chaos, we can choose to be mindful over negativity. It is not easy, and I say this from experience. 4 years ago, I could honestly say I hated myself I hated how I felt, hated how I looked, hated how far away I had gotten from who I truly was in my heart. 4 years ago I was suffering from Severe Substance Use Disorder and Opioid Dependency. I had been suffering from this for 13+ years on and off, mostly on. 4 years ago I sat in self-torcher over grief, over loss, over what I thought were unforgivable mistakes I had made, unthinkable terrors I had experienced, unbelievable environments and circumstances I had been through. I relived these things every waking moment of every day because not only did I not love myself but I didn't feel worthy of life on most days. But 4 years ago there was a moment of clarity, a glimpse of a glimmer of a sliver of hope that maybe I didn't have to feel this way. 4 years ago I wasn't in the worst environment I had ever been in, I wasn't starving, I wasn't homeless, I hadn't lost every material thing again, I wasn't sitting in a jail cell or prison, I had a career, I had a nice place to live that I paid for, I had a vehicle, I had all the things I told myself I needed to have for me to be happy, for me to love myself, for me to stop relapsing. There were times before this I was in much dire circumstances, evicted while in a coma for example, homeless on the south side of Chicago, starving to the point of emaciation, experiencing physical, mental, sexual, and economical abuse. Sitting in jails and prison. Suffering a terror so extreme that I had instantaneous pigmentation loss to my hair. Experiencing and suffering a loss so horrific I thought I would die and wanted to. If this, Then That: So, I thought if I could just get out of here, if I could just hold a good job, if I had my own place, If I could stop being so sad, if I could just catch a break, if I could heal, if I could move away, if I could help others, if... if... if.. the list of if's can go on for days. If this or that, then I will get and stay clean, I will stop using and stay stopped, and when I stop using and stay stopped I will love myself. But, you see, it wasn't the outside things that helped heal the inside sufferings, terror, pain. It, for me, was finally making the choice that I wanted to live. It was intentionally getting away from the pain I was inflicting on myself (the dope), getting my disease of addiction treated professionally, seeking inpatient treatment, talking with a counselor, having a doctor show me compassion, showing myself compassion. Being told I was in survival mode for all these years, that my core is not rotten, in survival I adjusted what I would accept to match how I needed to survive without being conscious of that adjustment. That my definition of myself did not have to be based off of things that happened while I was in survival mode. Shifting my Mindset: Those insights allowed a shift to happen with my mindset. That if I could look at my values, my beliefs, myself at the core. What are the things I believe in for myself, and if I had gotten away from those values how can I get back to them. That I didn't deserve to torcher myself, inflict emotional pain onto myself, sit as a shell of who I really am at my innermost level. Realize that I did in fact deserve to live. This mindset shift allowed me to begin again, to work on centering myself and the thoughts of myself on my heart and soul. I have always been an emotionally sensitive person with empathy and compassion, enjoyed helping others, enjoyed nature, flowers, the sunset and moon rise, I believe in honesty and loyalty, I value my understanding, empathy, compassion, kindness, peacefulness, non-judgmental mentalities, fairness. This is where I could build from. Defining my Self-Worth: I had to define my self-worth because I had none, and I would get frustrated when I heard the phrase "your worth it"... What am I worth exactly? I had attended a group counseling meeting and I kept hearing this being said over and over and I left that group thinking but no one said what "you are worth". So I wrote out my definition. I am worthy of... life, kindness, peace, loyalty, truth, honesty, oneness, love, beauty, fulfillment, joy, laughter, and so much more. Now I'm getting somewhere. Now I can stand on this definition of my self-worth. It is not tied up in outside things it is intertwined with meaning. Now I have a place to set boundaries from, a place to start building the love for myself. I started meditating every day, I poured affirmations onto myself. I'd be standing at the coffee maker in the mornings and make my coffee mindfully with intent. Take a moment to enjoy the process, be grateful for this experience, grateful for the taste of coffee again. When this process started 4 years ago, I would use phrases my husband (may he rest in paradise) and son had said to me over the years. One phrase that I still use often is "if you saw yourself the way I see you, you wouldn't xyz" both my husband and son had said this to me numerous times throughout my active use. When I am extremely stressed or really not liking the outside things this phrase helps bring me back to the moment. For example, I'll say "If I could see myself the way the two people who unconditionally loved me no matter what see me, I wouldn't talk negatively to myself". Give Yourself a Break: Also, in the beginning of this 4 year journey if I was feeling especially sad or craving I would give myself permission not to make a decision for 5 minuets. A craving can turn into thoughts which can cause a reaction if we feed the thought. A craving lasts 5 seconds, however if we ruminate on the craving it will turn into thoughts which turn into emotions which turn into actions. If you practice thought stopping, you can start changing the behavior. Give yourself a break, offer yourself some grace, and be kind to yourself! Ask the question what is it that I am really feeling? At this point, I am still in very early recovery on this journey and something I kept coming back to was the concept I had studied before which was there is a way to end suffering. Before this I had not associated the disease of addiction for myself to be considered suffering. But the more I studied, researched, and learned about addiction, the brain and addiction, about cravings, treatments, psychology, Zen philosophy, the brain body, and so much more. I resonated with the concept that the phenomenon of craving is suffering. Craving to change whatever it is I am feeling in this moment by the use of something, to change how I feel, to change my environment, to change myself, to feel something different by the use of something outside of myself. This understanding for me was life changing. That I suffer from the phenomenon of craving/suffering but there is a way to end suffering. And the way to end suffering, for me, is by honesty, acceptance, nonjudgement, mindful intent, and helping others. Helping to end craving and end the wishing to change how I am feeling from something outside of myself, no longer seeking gratification or validation, no longer wishing to change the things I have no control over. Accepting myself for who I am and being grateful to be alive. These things are not easy tasks. Accepting my feelings is extremely difficult because I carry terror, fear, trauma, sadness, negativity, horror, pain, and more. However, it is possible. Change and acceptance are possible, we don't forget what happened however learn to process what we went through and dig down to the root causes of our feelings. Learning how to accept the feeling for what it is, if there is something we can change, do so, if it is something you cannot change or you had/have no control over, give yourself some grace, these burdens are not all yours to carry, and it is okay to forgive yourself! My 4 Year Roller Coaster: An honest look at the last 4 years... After entering into detox on July 31st, 2020, I went through the most unforgettable and difficult detox I had ever experienced in 13 years. I was in a hospital detox for 3 day's, yet seemed like there was no relief! Even after detox for the first 11 days in treatment I continued detoxing in tremendous pain. I think back to those days often, and think it needed to be that way, I needed to remember this last time, the pain. That pain I keep even 4 years later as a reminder to never go back. Over the last 4 years I have gone through what seems like a roller coaster of different stages with this recovery journey. The first year was extremely difficult yet rewarding. After detox and inpatient rehab, being able to wake up every day without suffering sickness from withdrawal and being grateful again to be alive, felt empowering! I gave up some stressors but gained others, I experienced tremendous loss but also tremendous joy, I was back with my son every day, I was building my self-worth, starting to really find my rhythm. I meditated every day, researched and studied as much as I could, sought counseling and was recommended to group treatment. I had a doctor who showed me compassion and understanding which made all the difference. I would take things as they came, provide myself kindness and grace, journaled a lot, worked a lot on the trauma I carry, healed some big cracks in my heart just by being kind and patient with myself. The second year was harder in some ways but easier in others. I made some decisions that I wasn't ready to make, one of which was having a relationship, which I wasn't ready to do, and I ended up pregnant and placed on bed rest for 6 out of 10 months. I went through a period of regret and sadness over my decisions. The grief and trauma I carry started chipping away at my well-being. Yet I still was with my son everyday, had a life growing in my belly, had support from people who believed in me, an still was standing on the self-worth and self-love I had built! The third year was joyous and sad. I gave birth to my beautiful little one who has provided more love to all of us than I could have ever imagined, I finally took the chance on bringing my dreams to reality by starting my business, AKay One Love Design. However some things with my body changed that I wasn't expecting, my hormones were/are out of wack and I now have this beautiful little one to take care of, which is beautiful and stressful at the same time. I found my self-care going by the wayside and not being as intentional as I was with my words and actions, and I experienced some extreme health trauma and issues. This fourth year has been really rough, but I still am able to find moments that are tremendously joyous. But by no means has it been easy! The health trauma I have suffered has really gotten to me and I had allowed my insides to reflect the negative outsides. I stepped off my foundation of self-care and self-love for many months to the point of severe depression, rage, and living reactively. However I am still with my son's everyday, my little one is growing, and my adult son is blossoming into a truly amazing man. This 4th year I kept my business going and am trying really hard to get it off the ground, and went back to college! What I can say is that this 4th year has taught me how important being mindful in Recovery is. How important honest self-awareness, self-care, support, and mindful intent are in Recovery. And that even though things may feel yucky on the inside, it does not mean that I have to use/relapse. I have finally gotten far enough away from the everyday hold that dope had on me for 13+ years, and set up other more useful tools for myself, so that, for me, using is not an option. What Now? How can I find my Center Again? Over the last few months I have looked at things with complete honesty, and within realizing some hard truths about myself and my life, I am getting back to that original foundation I built in year 1. I continue to have health issues that I am coming to terms with, I am re-building my foundation, and I am practicing all the things I listed above, and all the things I talk to my clients about. I continue to study Zen Philosophy, Positive Psychology, and Dream Interpretation, and am incorporating these into my daily life again. I utilize ACT therapy, EFT, Anam, meditation, MBCT, lovingkindness, and centralize myself on calming and focusing on the present moment. The stress I've carried for almost 3 years now is showing, overwhelm turned into rage, tears turned into yelling, and sadness turned into eating unhealthy. No self-care, not allowing myself to feel personal fulfillment, still working on my business but setting expectations of myself that are to high for me to reach. Suffering from things that I can do something about like dehydration, sleep depravation, eating unwell, isolation. These are all other forms of self torcher. Unintentional yet very much real. But the good news is I can do something about it! I have shown myself how important mindful intention is, how easy it is to start letting the outside negatives overwhelm the positives in my heart, and how quickly my mindset can shift and change if I am not actively practicing being kind to myself, honesty, acceptance, non-judgment, and helping others. I am on the mend of my own heart again, but this is I believe a good thing. It is an opportunity for personal growth and a show of resilience. The Fairytale: I wanted to be able to write this saying year 1 was challenging but I grew, year 2 was even better I built a foundation I can stand on, year 3 I still meditate every day and my business is booming, and year 4 is amazing and I am on top of the world. But the truth is, just because I am substance free, and I hold hope, understanding, empathy, and compassion, life is still going to life, things that are upsetting, hurtful, and even traumatizing still happen. I have learned that even without the dope I will experience negativity, unhealthy environments, health issues, stress, frustrations, anger . But I don't have to use over it, because as things ebb they will flow again. I will also experience grand moments of joy, kindness, and love. It is up to me to either continue to grow and learn from these last 4 years focusing on mindfulness, self-care, standing on the love I have at my core, or to allow my insides to reflect the negative outsides, and stay stuck or worse relapse. Making Choices Today: As long as I have this gift of breath I choose to make choices. I choose to hold onto hope for myself and break free from what is holding me back. I have the tools, I know the way, I just have to continue to give myself the compassion and kindness I deserve, and find support. Just because I veered does not mean that I can't find my center again. I believe being aware of what we go through and how we change and grow is important. By looking back over the last 4 years I have realized a lot about myself without drugs. I learned who I really was which I had struggled to find for many many years, and I know that by practicing mindfulness, acceptance, non-judgement, compassion, kindness, loving-kindness, self-care, that I will grow and find my center again. And you can too! I started this out by talking about the phrase I don't like you but I love you. And I will love myself until I like myself again. And it is my hope that from me sharing this that anyone who has ever suffered from addiction that, even though life may not look like a fairytale, you are alive, you have choices, you no longer have to suffer from using, and there are ways to make things better to heal our hearts, minds, and souls. For those who are suffering from substance use and abuse, THERE IS A WAY TO END SUFFERING, I hope that my honesty helps you see there is a way out, no matter how bad it feels or how worthless you may feel, there is hope, I am holding onto hope for you; if no one has told you in a while you are loved and needed, and you are worthy of life without substances, with kindness, love, and so much more. And for anyone who is trying to find their self-worth and self-love there is a way. And for anyone who is struggling and feels stuck in life's negativity and living reactively there is a way to find inner peace. And for anyone who doesn't like themselves too much at this moment, I challenge you to love yourself until you like yourself. One Love Artist AKay Citations: Who Media Team (2024, June 25). Over 3 million annual deaths due to alcohol and drug use, majority among men. World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/news/item/25-06-2024-over-3-million-annual-deaths-due-to-alcohol-and-drug-use-majority-among-men   Miller, J. (2024, June 4). Addiction recovery statistics - treatment success & failure rates . AddictionHelp.com . https://www.addictionhelp.com/recovery/statistics/ WGLT | By, J. V. (2018, January 23). Lieutenant governor hears personal stories of opioid addiction . WGLT. https://www.wglt.org/news/2018-01-23/lieutenant-governor-hears-personal-stories-of-opioid-addiction