Embracing Love Confronting the Fear Within Introduction:
Love, though a universally cherished emotion, can also evoke an array of complex emotions within us. Among these emotions, confronting the fear within us, of love and loving ourselves stands as a significant barrier in our pursuit of feeling happiness, lovingkindness, and fulfillment. This blog entry digs into the human experience of fear surrounding love and the importance of overcoming it to lead a more authentic and joyful life.
"Not until the Fear of Change is less than the Fear of Staying the Same, can we truly be ready to begin!"
Embracing Love: Understanding the Fear of Love:
Love, with its vulnerability and unpredictability, can be intimidating. Our fear of love often stems from past experiences, heartbreaks, having a poor perception of ourselves, or the fear of rejection. We build walls, shield ourselves from emotional connections, stand on the sidelines and allow fear to dictate our actions. In doing so, we inadvertently deny ourselves the opportunity to experience the profound beauty and growth that love and self-love offers.
Embracing Love: The Fear of Loving Ourselves:
In addition to fearing love from others, we often struggle with the fear of loving ourselves. Society's unrealistic standards, past trauma, poor perceptions of ourselves, and our own self-doubt can create a relentless cycle of negative self-talk. We become our harshest critics, constantly questioning our worthiness of love and acceptance. This fear can prevent us from nurturing a healthy self-image and embracing self-love, leading to a diminished sense of self and an inability to form meaningful connections with others.
Embracing Love: Consequences of Fear:
The fear of love and self-love can have profound consequences on our well-being. It hinders our ability to trust, stifles our emotional growth, and restricts us from experiencing the full spectrum of human connection. We may find ourselves trapped in toxic relationships, unable to express our true emotions, or settling for less than we deserve. Ultimately, the fear of love limits our potential for personal and relational fulfillment.
Embracing Love: 8 Steps to Embrace Love and Overcome Fear:
Confronting and conquering the fear of love requires courage and self-reflection. Here are a few steps to help you on this journey:
1. Acknowledge and accept your fears: Recognize that fear is a natural response, but don't let it control your actions or choices. Embrace vulnerability as a gateway to personal growth and genuine connections.
This is easier said than done. If we can identify what the fear is based in, then we have a place to start. For example, if we have a fear of rejection, where is this based from, were we rejected as children, did our first relationship end badly. Find the facts, does being rejected as a child mean that you are unlovable? No! Is our first relationship have to be the basis for all love? No!
Use a journal, and when you feel fear coming on write it down, break it down, and find the facts. This will give you a place to start from.
2. Cultivate self-compassion: Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with kindness and self-acceptance. Treat yourself with the same love and care you would offer a dear friend.
When we find ourselves in a constant negative self-talk cycle it is important to do what is called thought stopping.
When we think for example, I am worthless. Pause for a moment, realize that this is a negative thing to think/say to ourselves. Whatever the task is at hand that has sparked this thought of worthlessness break it down.
Figure out the facts. Ask yourself questions. Am I actually worthless? No!
Talk to yourself kindly. For example, "I spilled my cup of coffee but that does not mean I am worthless or cannot do anything right", "I do lots of things right", "I am smart", "It was a silly mistake, and actually kind of funny", "Mistakes do not mean I am worthless or unlovable", "I am love and I am lovable"
Positive Affirmations:
"I am worthy of life"
"I am loving"
"I am kind"
"I deserve joy"
"I deserve love"
"I am beautiful inside and out"
"My flaws make me uniquely who I am"
3. Prioritize self-care: Engage in activities that promote self-discovery, self-expression, and self-love.
This may include journaling, meditation, practicing mindfulness, soaking in a bath, going out into nature, going hiking or snowboarding, practicing music, listening to music, doing a form of Art, make a painting, drawing, or doodle, or engaging in hobbies that are fulfilling for you.
Take extra time to pick out your clothes in the morning, brush your teeth, post a few affirmations on you mirror to remind yourself "I am worthy of Life", get dressed mindfully and calmly, give yourself a few extra moments before you start your day to sit in a calm mind.
Centering yourself at the beginning, middle, and end of each day can be done in 5 minuets and can be done while we are completing other tasks with mindful intention.
If you are in a fearful place of taking time 5 minuets for yourself, lets break down WHY. Why do we feel like we don't deserve 5 minuets of calm through out our day.
If we can figure out where this fear is based, we can start moving forward.
4. Seek support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate your fears and provide guidance. Share your feelings and fears openly, allowing others to offer their perspective and support.
This can be so difficult especially if we have a tendency to isolate, or have been isolated since Covid happened.
Start small, start by telling yourself you deserve to have supportive people in your life.
Connect online: Sometimes connecting to a support group online where you can first just read or listen to others can not only be helpful but inspiring.
Find support within things you have learned that you enjoy. For example if you've learned you enjoy Art, join an art group (free online mind you!), if you enjoy coffee start visiting different coffee shops in your neighborhood make it a routine become friends with the barista. Search for video's online of motivations to overcome fear, motivational speakers, seeking support. You may be surprised and find someone you really enjoy listening to.
Support can come in many different forms, and will not look the same for everyone. But as humans, human connection and support is part of our physiology we need it to not only grow but survive.
5. Challenge limiting beliefs: Examine the beliefs and narratives you hold about love and yourself. Are they based on past experiences or societal expectations? Challenge these beliefs and replace them with empowering thoughts that promote self-love and openness to love from others.
Again we ant to break this down and examine where these beliefs stem from.
Grab your journal to write it out, laptop and type it out, or make a video to speak it out. Ask yourself what are my true Core Beliefs, where do these come from, how/when did I become fearful of love, what is my belief on love and self-love.
For example: If you find you have a Core Belief that love is used for manipulation because when you were a child that is what you were taught or saw. You challenge this belief and replace it with an empowering thought. "When I was a child my mother used her love and affection towards me to get information or something she wanted", "Because of this I have a belief that love equals manipulation", so I am going to challenge this, and say something like "Just because my mother uses love as manipulation that does not mean I have to", "I believe love is something pure and good intentioned that can be freely given without anything in return", and then add your empowering thought "I am loving and I am able to love without manipulation!"
Once you've broken it down it feels so much less scary. Armed with understanding, we can overcome this fear.
6. Practice vulnerability: Take small steps towards vulnerability by allowing yourself to be seen and heard authentically. Share your true thoughts and emotions with others, gradually building trust in yourself and in others' ability to love and accept you.
The first step here is to be vulnerable with yourself. To be vulnerable is to be honest.
If you can start figuring out what your true thoughts and emotions are through journaling, or Zen practice, meditation, mentoring, or counseling then you will be a step closer to accepting yourself for who you are.
Then you may be able to start being vulnerable with others. Pick someone who is safe, or a support group setting, to start sharing your true thoughts and feelings.
When we receive positive feedback after doing something like this, it feels really good, and it starts to lessen our fears about showing love.
7. Learn from past experiences: Reflect on past relationships or instances where fear may have hindered your ability to love or be loved. Take the lessons learned and use them as stepping stones towards personal growth and resilience.
Taking an honest look at ourselves and where our fear may have held us back is a good way to dig deeper inward to our core to figure ourselves out.
Sometimes we play a part in these hinderances in our ability to love, not even realizing our fear of commitment, or fear of intimacy is what was holding us back.
Be mindful that if you ever experienced any type of trauma associated with love, that has caused a fear for you that professional counseling or mentoring may be what you need to help you move past these very justified and real fears. Also remember that if you were traumatized, the trauma was in no way your fault, and is not a reflection of you!
Also remember you are a beautiful loving creation a piece of Artwork. You are deserving and kind, you are as important as every blade of grass in this world combined! You are a perfectly imperfect creation, a flower blooming in the dark that is ready to come into light and shine their love.
8. Cultivate gratitude and positivity: Focus on the positive aspects of love and the potential it holds for growth and happiness. Practice gratitude for the love you have experienced and the love that awaits you in the future.
This is one of the easier tasks on this list.
Make a gratitude list while your brushing your teeth in the morning, or brewing your favorite cup of coffee. 5 things you are grateful for! For example 1. the hot coffee you are brewing, 2. the sunshine, 3. having toothpaste for your morning toothbrush, 4. hearing the birds sing, 5. that you woke up today.
The list does not have to be extravagant or material. In fact it tends to set in the heart better when it is not gratitude for our material things but for our feelings and things maybe we didn't have a one point that we have now. Not our cars or expensive items, but things that really bring a smile to your beautiful soul.
The positivity can be grown by listening to positive and inspirational videos or TicToks or whatever you like or are willing to try. Positivity can start to grow when you go out and be mindful to smile, say hello to the cashier at the grocery store, engage in a small encounter by holding the door for someone.
Meditation can also help grow your positivity, think of things that make you smile, things you enjoy, sit in that joy when meditation, envision love as energy flowing to and from you, breath in love breath out fear.
Embracing Love: Conclusion:
The fear of love and loving ourselves is a common human experience, rooted in past experiences, possible traumas, our environments, our self talk, and societal expectations. However, by acknowledging and confronting this fear, inward seeking, we can break free from its limitations and embrace the transformative power of love. If you work towards growing the love you have for yourself and have a foundation of unbreakable Self-Love, outward love and vulnerability will become easier. Remember, relationship love is not without risks, but the rewards far outweigh the fears. Embrace vulnerability, prioritize self-love, and open yourself up to the profound connections and personal growth that love can bring.
Sending lovingkindness to all.
AKay
AKay's Suggested Toolkit to help Cultivate Self-Love:
5. Make yourself a spot to meditate, pray, think, whatever you call it. I call it a Lovingkindness Corner. You fill this corner with comfy items that remind you you are love, you are important, this is your special place. I have even seen people transform their closet into their Lovingkindness Corner. Fill it with items that inspire you, and make you smile!
Wear and Share the Art You Dig! Sending Lovingkindness out to all! I can't wait to hear about your Self-Care journey, and see your pictures of you in your Lovingkindness Corners wearing your new digs with your new found smile!
If you are working on yourself it is important to allow yourself time with a professional to help wade through all these feelings and emotions you have stemming from the fear of love, fear of commitment, fear of letting go, dealing with trauma, or anything else in your life that you want to grow from and change. Contact The Zen Panda and see if a Zen Therapeutic Transformative Mentor may be the right path for you. We utilize Zen practices, meditation, discussion therapy, awareness mentoring, and therapeutic companionship to help foster Self-Care, Self-Love, openness, emotional awareness and more. Contact us today! We offer several options to meet you were you are at and with what you are most comfortable with. One Love dear soul.
댓글