About Life and Things… The Concept of being Hyper-Sensitive

The Concept of being Hype-Sensitive, Too-Emotional, or an Over-Thinker as it relates to life and healing. One Love

Life and Things encompasses a large scope of topics with respect to my life. I've had a number of experiences that, I think, many may relate with. I am hopeful that my words can ignite thought, spark healing, further understanding, and cultivate lovingkindness.

The concept of being told over an over in life that I am too sensitive, over sensitive, hyper sensitive, hyper emotional, over emotional, too emotional, I think too much, I have too many thoughts and feelings, is based from a perception that being sensitive is a bad thing, that having emotions isn’t something that is allowed or is something that should be hidden, and that thoughts and feelings should be minimal…..

"Being sensitive in a world of insensitivity is a challenge, but the beauty that comes with a genuine heart is unmatched"

This perception, concept, idea (whatever you call it) to me now as an adult is completely absurd.

Yet, growing up, hearing this over and over again gave me the learned perception and perspective that this concept was indeed true, and that if I am being told this by my family (the structure that is the only thing I have to base the world on) then everywhere and everything must be based in this concept, therefore I must be "wrong" or "bad" for feeling and thinking so much.

So instead of nurturing and guiding a child with curiosity and compassion built into their soul, my family just stomped out the light and ignored me or said phrases that to a little mind meant NO, BAD, Stop that. With no real explanation as to why being sensitive was “harmful” or having emotions were “bad”. Just ugh I don’t want to deal with this “overly sensitive child”.

So, from a very young age I learned to hide what I actually thought and felt, learned to be quiet and un-heard, un-asking, un-telling, learned to only share what might get me some type of acceptance in this family structure of toxicity and loneliness. And you know what? I was considered quite behaved and a “good girl” after that.

I didn’t feel like a disappointment to everyone around me when I hid my true feelings, thoughts, and/or emotions, so it became the “normal” that I would encompass for many many many years.

"I didn’t feel like a disappointment to everyone around me when I hid my true feelings, thoughts, and/or emotions"

As I grew older and less naive about the world around me, and the people in it, and realized that my family was not everything and the only thing to base life on, I grew conflicted about this concept of being hyper-sensitive. I learned that being sensitive, knowledgeable, and empathetic was a beautiful thing, it includes love, kindness, compassion, joy, feelings of care and empathy towards others and myself, curiosity, challenge, growth, and understanding.

Thinking "outside the box" felt fun and interesting. I actually found myself wanting to learn and learn and continue to learn because the limits that had been put on me as a child had made me feel like learning anything “outside the box” was unnecessary and would contribute to my “too many” thoughts and feelings.

I also grew conflicted and didn’t understand why I was deprived of the feelings of love and closeness and oneness with my family. Did they know they were doing this? Part of me still feels like they are so selfish they will never understand that them being uncomfortable with their own feelings and thoughts and them not knowing how to express themselves properly really affected me growing up and will stay with me for the rest of my life.

That yearn for Love and that feeling of abandonment when encountered at a young age is something hard to redirect and relearn. Not impossible, but the feelings from which this came from and where this started will, I think, always be embedded into my heart.

"That yearn for Love and that feeling of abandonment when encountered at a young age is something hard to redirect and relearn."

Part of me wants to know why, the other just feels grief and compassion for the family members that still can’t say I Love You and mean it, or feel compassion or empathy for others, or love or happiness in their own hearts for themselves.

Love is the feeling I have in my heart and soul. Not a feeling I get from someone or something else. It is what I call the universal light intertwined with truth, oneness, joy, peace, kindness, compassion, centeredness, lovingkindness, harmony, synchronicity, an energy, an essence, a piece of myself humming along with the rhythm of the universe. It is very difficult to describe in words, to help you visualize, but is the most important and beautiful part of life that I can think of and have ever felt. And this Love that I can finally name only came after two people in particular (my first-born son, and my husband may his soul rest in paradise) provided me with this type of love in a tangible way.

I want my children to ALWAYS understand this feeling of LOVE and understand that thoughts and feelings are important and valid and needed for growth and understanding of self and of their view of the world. That their feelings and thoughts will ALWAYS be important to me, and that the love I encompass is theirs.

But before Love, compassion, spirituality, and understanding there was a lot of anger, resentment, agitation, hate, aggression, depression, sadness, rage, frustration, loneliness, self-hate, self-loathing, self-torcher. What felt like a void in my heart so vast, so dark, so empty, so sad that I would never be able to escape it, fill it, or understand it.

"What felt like a void in my heart so vast, so dark, so empty, so sad that I would never be able to escape it, fill it, or understand it."

There was a tremendous amount of suffering that came along with this void. Trying to fill this void with substances, people, things, all in an attempt to calm my emotions and feelings. Addictive Substance use and abuse to try and quiet my own mind and frustrations with self and not feeling worthy of life.

It was hard for me to believe that so much of this stemmed from me not receiving the compassion, encouragement, and love I needed as a child to engage the parts of me that were "too much". But once I became aware of this, I was finally able to do something to change it for myself.

Not blame my childhood and continue to torture myself saying "well, it is what it is", that’s how I think. NO. I was not going to just victimize myself, especially armed with awareness and knowledge that I now had.

I thought addressing some of this with members of my family that caused this harm to me would be a bright idea…

Sometimes growth can fuel Anger and Resentment.

It was not…

But it was a lesson and opportunity for me to understand and grow as a person, learn acceptance that even though as I grow older and change and learn, not everyone does, and that at any point I am allowed to give myself permission to stop allowing others to hurt me.

So that is what I have done. I gave myself permission to stop seeking acceptance from toxic family members that cannot or will not provide me with the acceptance I was seeking. I gave myself permission to be angry and upset that the people I love and cherish do not love and cherish me in the same or similar way.

However, I did not allow myself to stay angry and upset. I allowed myself to move forward from the anger into a place of my own acceptance of self, to say that everyone is allowed to be where they are and I can only expect people to be who they are, period, and trying to change that will cause me more harm than love.

Accepting that trying to change that, which I have no ability to change, will cause me more harm than love was a powerful understanding and awareness for me because this allowed me to say I deserve to cause myself LOVE not harm and in turn gave myself the CHOICE to no longer stay angry or upset about things I cannot change. Giving myself permission to move forward and work on things that are in my control and that I can change. Starting with myself, and usually ending with myself.

Stay Calm, You can ONLY Control You.

The Drug use was extreme and even though some of these awareness’s and permissions happened while I was still in the midst of either addiction or bouncing from using to non-using to using, to deaths door and back, the lessons stayed with me in my arsenal, helping to end my own extreme suffering when I finally was ready (with an intense amount of help of course).

When you live through drug addiction, in a world of chaos, hate, loss, grief, sadness, anger, trauma, craving, suffering, death, and you finally see that you want to live and not die, things that once felt really heavy you are now able to lift. At least I was.

Emotions, thoughts, feelings, life situations, guilt, shame, loss, grief, hate, dealing with adult trauma, dealing with childhood issues and trauma, that I thought were too heavy to deal with became things that while they were not easy to deal with by any means, but when compared to death they didn’t seem as heavy to handle one at a time.

When I face these with my arsenal of understanding, permissions, LOVE, Lovingkindness, peace, a want for no more suffering, awareness, oneness, compassion, the universal love and light, the memory of my loving husband, the love of my then just 1 child, and a genuine want/will to LIVE, I now could see hope.

Change can and will ignite HOPE.

I could see a sliver of a glimmer of moonlight at the end of that vast void that once consumed my soul, and my thoughts and feelings were allowed because I said they were, and my compassion and love is allowed because it is part of the essence of my being, and I am allowed to be me because I say so, you dig, not because anyone else has given me the permission to be or not to be.

That is the feeling of freedom, that is a feeling greater than any drug, or any amount of money, or outward love, that feeling of freedom to love and be as I say for me without feelings of guilt or shame, with the light of the universe shining from my heart for only me to know and understand.

That is life, that is peace, that is truth, that is where it is at. Not seeking validation from those that have no understanding of who I really am in my soul, or who you really are at the core.

"I could see a sliver of a glimmer of moonlight at the end of that vast void that once consumed my soul, and my thoughts and feelings were allowed because I said they were"

In Case No One Has Ever Told You... Or Given You Permission...

And even though you don’t need it from an outside voice, (just in case) I say you are love and you are life and you are worthy and you are the best thing to ever happen to this world because you are love and life and light and without you this world would be dark and dim and dreary. Your thoughts are important, your kindness is important, your compassion, your love, your words are important, YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

You are LOVE and you are IMPORTANT!

And even though you don’t need my permission, if no one has ever given you permission, I give you permission to love yourself, to be yourself, to trust in yourself and know that you don’t have to prove anything to anyone ever except for your own heart and if you are okay with how things are for your own heart than you are winning!

Breathe and remmember You Are Worthy! You Are Winning! You are Life, Love, and Light!

And even though you don’t need my permission, if no one else including yourself has ever given you permission to just be you, or made you feel worthy I am telling you, be you, you have permission to feel worthy and to feel love.

"You have permission to feel Worthy and to feel Love!"

And even though you don’t need it from me, if no one else has told you, again, you are important, you are needed, you are love, you are loved, you are joy, you are peace, you are truth, and you are beautiful.

"You are Beautiful"

And even though you don’t need it from me, if no one else has ever told you, you are not overly sensitive, you don’t think to much, and you are not hyper emotional. You are just right, and your dharma is leading you to a path where your sensitive and emotional nature will flourish.

"You are on the right path, your sensitive nature will flourish, hang on!"

I hope that any and everyone who ever reads this feels the love that is pouring from my heart, mind, and soul to yours, and that my words from my own journey may help someone on their own healing path.

Becoming aware that it is okay for you to JUST BE YOU, is where it's at, you dig?! One Love

"Namaste', I honor the place within you where the entire Universe resisdes, I honor the place within you of love, of light, of truth, of peace, I honor the place within you where, when you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us." Gandhi

Namaste', I hope this writing has found you well, at peace, and in lovingkindness. This concept that thinking, feeling, or expressing ourselves makes us "too much" is based on a false perception that sensitivity and Love are things to be hidden away and not seen, felt, or heard, but it is simply not true. That concept is based in fearful thinking that is harmful to our hearts, minds, and souls. If you grew up this way, or have been made to feel this way I want you to know that you are not alone, and if you allow it, it will and can get better. I would love to hear from my readers on their stories, and journeys with this topic or anything else that may be on your heart or may have been sparked by reading this. I thank you tremendously from the bottom of my heart for reading and I am sending lovingkindness to you and yours. One Love.

Looking for help shifting your mindset and beginning your healing journey towards peace, self-worth, kindness, and love? Check out The Zen Panda Therapeutic Mentoring Services we offer. This may be the very beginning of your healing.

Also come over and Dig our Zen Lovingkindness Shop and Art Collections by the Artist/Writer AKay