Blossoming Through Grief: Exploring Dr. Lois Tonkin's "Growing Around Grief" Model Through Art & Self-Care with Free Grief Art Activity Worksheet by: Artist AKay @AKay One Love Design 10/20/2024
Grief is a tidal wave that engulfs, crashes, and retreats, leaving us to navigate its tumultuous waters. Dr. Lois Tonkin's 'Growing Around Grief' model beautifully captures this ebb and flow of emotions, illustrating the intricate dance between loss orientation and restoration orientation. As an artist who has explored this model through my own lens, I've found solace in visualizing grief as intertwined waves and blooming flowers, showcasing the complex dance of emotions that accompany the journey of healing.
See below for my personal experience and artistic interpretation.
Growing Around Grief: Dual Process Model
This helpful metaphor for grief was developed by Dr. Lois Tonkin. The idea is that we don’t ‘get over’ grief – it doesn’t ‘go away’. Instead as times goes on, you learn to grow around your grief.
Dr. Lois Tonkin's Model is "The Dual Process Model" which identifies two main processes that individuals go through when experiencing grief:
1. Loss-oriented processes: This involves dealing directly with the reality of the loss, such as facing the emotional pain, sadness, and emptiness associated with the absence of the person you've lost. This process includes activities like reminiscing about the person who has died, acknowledging the reality of the loss, and expressing emotions related to the loss.
2. Restoration-oriented processes: This involves adapting to the changes that occur as a result of the loss, such as adjusting to new roles and responsibilities, establishing new routines, and finding ways to continue forward. This process focuses on building a new sense of identity and purpose in the absence of the person you've lost.
According to Dr. Tonkin, individuals move back and forth between these two processes throughout their grief journey, and the ability to balance both is essential for healthy grieving. Additionally, the model emphasizes the importance of self-care, seeking support from others, and finding meaning and purpose amidst the pain of loss.
The Ebb and Flow of Grief
At the heart of Dr. Tonkin's model lies the concept of moving between the loss-oriented process and the restoration-oriented process. Just like the ocean waves that ebb and flow, grief too flows through our lives in unpredictable patterns. I depicted this in my own artwork (which can be found at the bottom of this post), capturing the rhythm of grief through swirling waves that symbolize the ever-changing nature of our emotional landscape. For anyone traversing the rocky terrain of loss, it's crucial to acknowledge these waves, to ride them out with compassion and self-care.
Embracing Restoration Through Blooming Flowers
While grief may be synonymous with darkness, there is also light to be found among the shadows. Around the outermost edges of the above artwork, there are vibrant flowers that blend both the hues of grief and the promise of renewal. These blossoms symbolize the restoration-oriented process, highlighting the beauty that can emerge from pain and suffering. Just as flowers bloom after a long winter, our hearts too can find healing and rejuvenation after the darkest of losses.
Mindfulness Based Art Therapy (MBAT) for Self-Care and Grief Healing
Art has a unique way of unraveling the knots within us, of giving voice to the unspoken grief that resides in our souls. Through the act of creation, we can externalize our internal struggles, giving clarity to the chaos within. Mindfulness Based Art Therapy is a powerful tool for self-care, offering a safe space to explore our emotions and ease our pain in a supportive environment. Just to note that Mindfulness and the Arts is not only the art of creation like drawing or painting, but also the art of music, dance, writing, journaling, connection, listening, and more. The key is find an activity that we enjoy and do it with intention, grounded in the present moment, and allow our feelings to come, allow ourselves to feel them, and allow them to pass without judgment.
I have included a free step by step Mindfulness Based Art Therapy exercise/activity below if you would like to use art to express Dr. Tonkin's Model of Growing Around Grief. Please make sure to do so in a safe and supportive environment as the exercise may bring up unexpected difficult feelings and emotions, we want to make sure you are in a safe place to express these emotions if/when needed.
Seek Support, Find Purpose: Navigating the Grief Landscape
Dr. Tonkin's model underscores the importance of seeking support from others and finding meaning amidst our grief. In the depths of loss, it can be easy to feel isolated and adrift. By reaching out to loved ones, support groups, mentors, or therapists, we open ourselves up to the healing power of human connection. Additionally, finding purpose and meaning in our pain can be a transformative experience, guiding us towards inner-peace and growth.
Embracing Mindfulness and Inner Peace
Mindfulness and meditation are invaluable tools in the journey of grief, allowing us to cultivate inner peace, even when it feels impossible. By grounding ourselves in the present moment, we can soften the sharp edges of our sorrow and foster a sense of equanimity. Through mindfulness practices, we learn to embrace our emotions with compassion and kindness, paving the way for healing and self-discovery. One meditative practice that can be helpful is music meditation. If you enjoy music I would encourage you to find something that uplifts your heart and spirit and sit quietly without interruption and meditate with the music, you can also try using soothing sounds like rain or waterfalls, or listening to singing bowls being played.
Grief, although each persons journey with grief will look different, it is not a linear path but a labyrinth of emotions, a rollercoaster of highs and lows. By embracing Dr. Tonkin's 'Growing Around Grief' model and infusing it with the healing power of art, self-care, and mindfulness, we can navigate the complexities of loss with openness and resilience. Remember, like the waves and flowers in the artwork, there is beauty to be found in every stage of the grieving process – a beauty that blooms even in the darkest of nights.
Grief and loss is one of the hardest things for us to go through, let's not hide our grief, but nurture ourselves instead, cherish our memories, allow ourselves to feel, to be heard, to grow, and blossom through the pain, for it is in embracing our broken hearts that we may find true strength and healing.
Free Grief Art Activity Downloadable:
See below for my personal experience and artistic interpretation.
Here at AKay One Love Design we offer unique Mindfulness Based Companionship Mentoring. If you or a loved one is struggling please reach out, no one should have to go through this alone.
My personal experience with this Activity:
As an Artist who personally has endured significant losses and struggles with a great deal of grief, when I learned of Dr. Lois Tonkin's theory I was curious. It aligns with how I have felt for some time, that I am forever changed by the losses I have suffered, grief isn't something that there is an "end" too. But, with time, counseling, my own mindfulness journey, the pain of grief is something I have learned to ebb and flow with.
My interpretation of Dr. Tonkin's model is a little different than other's however isn't all art open to interpretation. My interpretation and sketch is below of the activity I created based on this theory/model.
During this activity at one point I became so upset the tears welling up and falling from my eyes made my vision blurry, yet I continued. I took several breaks to re-center myself on the breath, and mid way through put on some music which seemed to help. I didn't walk away from the activity, though at some points I wanted too. I was expecting to be emotional, but the feelings that came up and I released were a lot.
Emotions I have been holding in trying to forge forward, but once I got to the flowers in the drawing I felt this calm come over me. See, my center of grief is still overpowering in my life, and it shows this interpretation, yet the blossoming flowers is me, and the calm that came when I started to draw those flowers, and tears started to fall again, felt like a breath of life saying "You are okay", "You are here", and "You are allowed to grow".
It is hard for me to share this because of how personal and deep-rooted my grief and pain is. But by sharing I hope to help another person. One Love
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